18 Jul Getting Our Affairs in Order
When someone dies, the rearrangement of reality that follows can reach far beyond the absence of that person. It can alter the way family members relate to each other, as old dynamics collapse and new ones form. Since it’s often difficult—sometimes nearly impossible—to function practically in the days or weeks following a death, getting affairs in order ahead of time—whether our own or someone else’s—is a practical act of kindness.
When my mother died, it was not a simple transition. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s six years earlier, and as her condition progressed, she could no longer manage her affairs. The house she had lived in was literally falling apart, filled with belongings and paperwork. There was debt, disorder, confusion. Suddenly, the responsibility for everything landed on me and my sister.
I had known this might happen. I remember talking with Dr. Svoboda about it maybe fifteen or twenty years earlier. We discussed what might ease the burden when the time came. But legal, emotional, and logistical barriers meant that I could only do so much in advance. By the time her diagnosis required me to step in, the web of financial, medical, and legal complications had already taken shape. Untangling it was grueling.
Out of necessity, I started to compile a document. It began as a place to track what I needed to know: account details, health care decisions, practical to-dos—and became a kind of living reference. I could return to it when I was overwhelmed, and update it as things changed. Eventually, it turned into a template that I’ve since refined and shared with others, and I’d like to share it with you too.
Ideally, we prepare before a crisis forces our hand. But sometimes that’s not possible. Whether you’re planning ahead or responding in the middle of a difficult time, this kind of document can help. It doesn’t offer legal advice, and it’s not a substitute for a will or advance directive. It is a practical, adaptable tool meant to reduce confusion, lighten the load, and prevent a crisis (getting together a lot of scattered information) happening on top of another crisis (someone begins suddenly to need help managing their affairs or they pass away).
The version of this document I share here reflects what’s useful in Vermont, where I live—but it’s easily adaptable. The idea is not to make it perfect, but to begin to gather what lives in piles, inboxes, and memory, and bring it together in one place.
What this Template Can Help With:
• Gathering personal, medical, legal, and financial information
• Reducing the bureaucratic chaos that often follows a death
• Making end-of-life wishes accessible
• Providing clarity and guidance for caregivers and loved ones
The template includes space for:
• Full legal names and birth details (often required for official forms)
• Emergency contacts and people to notify
• Bank accounts, insurance policies, property and vehicle info
• Medical providers, medications, and care plans
• End-of-life documents like wills, POAs, advance directives, POLST or DNR forms
• Digital assets: email, social media, subscriptions (with a reminder to store passwords securely elsewhere)
• Dependents, pets, and other responsibilities
• Local resources such as elder care organizations or legal aid
It is meant to be personalized. What matters in one family may not apply in another. What’s essential is that we begin. Because the more we can prepare while we’re able, the less we may leave behind in disarray. And the more space there may be, when the time comes, to meet death with less overwhelm and be able to afford it time and space.
You can download a copy of this document titled, “X’s Affairs Universal Template” here.